


So I hold on like leaves and fall to what is left

by helenabarbara



Series: don't ever leaf me here to wither [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blind Character, Blind Louis, Character Death, Fluff, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Major Character Injury, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 03:20:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1154158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helenabarbara/pseuds/helenabarbara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I may not know what you look like, but I see you in my dreams.”</i>
</p><p> </p><p>The one where Harry doesn't know what to do with his life and then the universe decides it's time for him to get involved with (a special) someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

‘THE PAST AND THE PRESENT’

PART I

_Green is the prime colour of the world, and that from which its loveliness arises._

– [Pedro Calderon de la Barca](http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/p/pedro_calderon_de_la_barc.html)

 

* * *

 

It was late January, early in the afternoon, around two o'clock. A woman and her daughter entered the park, the sand path cracking under their shoes. The little girl was chattering happily to her mother about school, how they drew flowers and trees. Harry sat on one of the swings, his toes barely touching the ground. His eyes were focused on the bench in front of him; a boy who looked a bit older than him was sitting on the poorly painted green surface. He looked about eleven years old, with light brown hair and big, foggy, grey coloured eyes. Those eyes were staring at the swing Harry was sitting at. Most people would freak out by a little boy staring at them, Harry didn't. He was fascinated by this boy since he first saw him sitting there, when he was six. Two years ago, but Harry remembered it like it was yesterday.

Harry glanced at his watch, it was almost two o'clock. He smiled, knowing exactly what was about to happen. He had seen it before. His gaze left the boy on the bench and shifted to the entrance of the park. His old neighbour, Sue, should be walking through that gate soon. Harry couldn’t wait until it was Friday, the day he got to eat as many cookies as he wanted and he loved listening to Sue’s stories; she’d told him she wrote them herself. When his cool digital watch said 01:59 PM, she entered the park, precisely on time. Her brand-new walking stick clicking on the sand path. When she was close to the green bench, the boy stuck out his arm, fingers splayed. Harry always wondered if he could recognise her footsteps. Sue stopped in front of him and reached out her hand, the wrinkled fingertips touching the boy’s smaller ones. A smile formed on his young face.

She sat down next to him, placing her bag on her lap. She then pulled a paper bag from the large bag, lowering the big thing to the ground. She opened the paper bag, revealing a fresh looking bun and tore off a piece of bread. Sue softly touched the boy’s hand, taking it in hers. Her mouth moved and the boy nodding when she finished. She took the piece of bread and placed in his small hand. He touched it carefully and brought it to his mouth. He munched softly on the bread.

“Harry, it's time to go, honey,” Harry's mom called for him. He looked one more time at the pair on the green bench and jumped off the swing. He then ran to his mum, taking her hand. They exited the park, Harry babbled away about the grey eyed boy. He missed the worried look on his mother’s face.

Four years later the boy was still there. He still lived on the old green bench, Sue still visited him, but Harry lost his interest. He went to high school now, he was a cool guy. The grey eyed boy wasn't so important for him anymore. When he had time Harry still went to the park, though. The swing he always sat on had broken in two and was removed through the years, but they never replaced it so he sat on the other instead. The mothers of the little kids that played in the park gave him often sour looks, they found he should let the smaller children use the swing.

When he was nineteen, Harry was alone often. He didn't really want to be, but he was. All of his mates were off to college, but Harry had decided to take a year to figure out what he really wanted. He was heading home, slowly strutting, where he was still living with his mum.

He peeked around the corner of another alleyway. Harry always checked every alley. He didn't have a reason; he just did it out of a habit. He once started after reading an article about creepy guys who’d hide in alleyways and never stopped. Harry started walking again when he saw the alley was empty. He froze in his tracks when he saw a huddled figure lying on the pavement right in front of him. The person wasn't moving, so Harry carefully approached. He crouched down next to the person. A small man, he now saw. He turned the body around, so it faced the sky. Harry's eyes grew wide with recognition. It was the guy from the park. He winced when he saw his bloody clothes, the beating or what had happened, must have been painful. One of his arms and left foot lied in a weird position, probably broken.

Harry checked his phone, which was dead. It was never charged when he needed it. This is how he ended up carrying the small boy to the hospital, two miles from where he found him.

When Harry looked down to the beaten boy he was carrying, he was being stared at by unfocused eyes that were full of fear. The boy had gripped Harry's arm with his left arm, while the right one lay limp on his chest. He did not blink once; his glassy grey eyes just stared at something behind Harry. The latter quickened his pace when the hospital came into sight. He wondered why no one had called an ambulance yet. To Harry's surprise, there was a nurse standing outside that  _waved_  at him. He frowned, but walked up to her anyway, this boy needed help. The young woman ran to him, her black hair flowing in the wind.

“Hi,” she breathed, “I'm so glad you found him.” Harry just stared at her with a blank expression. She blinked. The boy in Harry's arms whimpered. The small sound broke the awkward silence and seemed to snap the girl out of her trance. “Oh right, I'm Raven,” she said with a wide smile.

“I don't know you,” Harry stated, baffled.

Raven spoke, “I'm Sue’s daughter.” That rang a bell. Harry’s neighbour was called Sue; he couldn’t remember ever seeing this girl, though.

A weak cough brought him back to the present, where Raven, as he uncomfortably called this strange girl-young woman- in his head, whispered to the boy in his arms. He picked up some of the words she said (grey hospital, white room, brown curls, and green eyes). He also noticed that Raven had grabbed the boy's left hand and was rubbing it softly. Harry then noticed the growing dark red stain on the boy's side.

“Uh, Raven? We should probably take him inside,” he said urgently. “He is- uhm, he's bleeding.”

Raven jumped to action immediately. She led Harry inside to where another nurse took the boy from him into an examination room. He ended up standing in the hallway feeling a little lost after that nurse pushed him out of the room.

“So, boy with brown curls, what's your name?” Raven asked with a raised eyebrow. She was leaning casually against the wall, as if she had been here the whole time.  _Maybe she had_ , Harry thought.

“I'm Harry, Sue's neighbour,” he said dumbly.

He earned a snort for that. "I figured as much,  _Harold_."

Harry groaned, “are you going to call me that? It's not even my real name,” he said with a whine.

~*~

They sat at the nursing station for some time, or else said, Harry sat on a chair and Raven on the counter swinging her legs back and forth while she hummed softly, when he finally dared to ask.

“Uh, Raven?”

“Yes, Harold.”

“What's his name?”

She looked at him in a surprised manner, as if she hadn't expected the question at all. “His name's Louis.”

Harry repeated the name. It sounded just right. “Raven?”

“Yes, Harold.”

“Can you tell me more about him?”

This time she jumped off the counter and set next to him. She looked him straight in the eyes, green meeting green. “You're serious, aren't you?”

Harry looked at her confused. “Why wouldn't I be?”

Raven smiled, just like she did earlier. “Never mind, I'll tell you about Louis.”

She took a breath and warned she wasn’t going to tell him a lot, because Louis would want to tell it himself. He nodded and said he didn't mind. She smiled again.

“The first thing you need to know is that Louis is blind. He's twenty-one years old and homeless; although I'm quite sure you already figured that out, since I saw you in the park stalking him several times when we were little.”

Harry blushed at that. At that age he didn't realised it was that obvious. He gestured to her go on.

“When he's done being examined, he will be scared. I wanted to do the examination myself, but _Sheila_ didn't let me,” Raven spat. “But don't be surprised if he's not okay with your presence. If he is, you're a miracle and I'll never let you out of his reach. He'll probably like you, because you have green eyes.” She went on, smiling at the last sentence.

“Louis loves the colour green. He told me it's the only colour he can see, even though I think he’s just messing with me. But, it is why he wanted to stay at that bench in the park. Sue said it was okay after an argument about him not wanting to invade our space or something,” Raven snorted. “Anyway, I can't tell you his life story, just the small things like this, but I hope you still want to-”

“Raven, he's in room 219,” the nurse from earlier, who was indeed the Sheila Raven was talking about, interfered with a bored look on her face.

The latter jumped up, her eyes shining. “Come on, Harold; let's see if Louis is awake.” They walked to the staircase to get to the right floor. “Okay, I warned you before, Louis may be scared and if he wants you to leave, then you leave, okay?” Raven spoke with a serious face. Harry nodded firmly, expectations and fears swarmed like bees in his head.  _What if he doesn't like me, or doesn't ever wake up? What does his voice sound like? What is-_ Raven interrupted his internal freak out with a slap on his cheek. “Stay with me, _Har_ , don't want you drifting away now.”

“ _Har_?”

“Yes, deal with it.”

Raven opened the door and walked in. Louis' head snapped up at the sound. She quickly sat down next to him. “It's Raven, don't worry.” He seemed to calm down after hearing that.

“Who's the other one?” He croaked and Harry winced at the sound of his voice. They must have punched him in the throat. Harry winced some more at that.

“Oh, that's Harold-  _what are you doing_?”

Harry looked up with a confused expression. “What?”

“You were doing something weird with- you know what, never mind,” Raven spoke, cutting herself off again. She was interrupted by a soft cough, coming from the boy lying on the bed. “What is it, Lou?” She asked in the fondest tone Harry was sure he had ever heard, excluding his mother, of course.

“Who's Harold?”

Harry cackled.

“Did you just  _cackle_?” Raven sighed deeply, as if she was desperate. Her eyes twinkled, though. Harry stepped closer to the bed, fascinated by the way Louis had a way of following the sound he made without using his eyes. He then laughed at the odd way he was formulating his thoughts. Yeah, he was definitely insane.

“I'm Harry, but Raven calls me Harold for no reason,” he said calmly, ignoring her splutters about the reason she apparently had.

“I'm Louis, but you probably know that already, thanks for saving me, Harold-”

“Harry,” he corrected half-heartedly.

“-just my luck there was a hero there to save my homeless ass,” Louis said carelessly with a soft smile.

“Lou, we agreed to no swearing when strangers are in the room,” Raven piped up.

“I'm sure you broke that rule before I did,” Louis remarked dryly, as if stating the obvious. He seemed so carefree to Harry. He frowned a little at that, maybe they drugged him with painkillers? Raven said that he'd be scared, but Harry hasn't seen any of that. He shrugged, she had probably just been wrong about that.

It had been an hour and Louis seemed tired to Harry. The boy was paler than before and tried not to wince when he moved. Harry decided he and Raven should leave him to rest. “Raven, I was wondering if we could go home and get some sleep.”

He smirked internally when she jumped up and kissed Louis' cheek tenderly. “We should do that. And you must rest, Lou, you look tired,” she spoke. The boy grumbled a little, but didn't protest. Raven tapped his cheek and gestured for Harry to follow him. He quietly shut the door behind him.

“He was pretending, wasn't he?” Harry questioned, already knowing the answer. There was a frown on her face when Raven answered with a quiet “he was,” and ruffled her hair a bit. She looked so sad and Harry didn't like it one bit. He had only met her about three hours ago, but she already seemed like a good friend to him.

“I'm so glad you found him. Sue wouldn't have recovered if he’d died,” she wiped her eyes angrily and sniffed. Harry hesitantly embraced her, feeling her hot tears soaking through his shirt. “I was so scared, Harry, what if you hadn't found him? He isn't able to find the way back to my flat, nor would he try to find help! What if he froze to death, or-” Raven's voice cracked and the happy-go-lucky attitude from earlier was nowhere to be found. Her body shook with every broken sob she let out and her breathing sped up.

Harry took a hold of her shoulders and looked in her teary eyes. “Hey, you have to calm down, he's okay, right? He's still alive,” he said worriedly. “He's in the hospital and it's warm and safe here,” he tried to reassure her.

“He's okay, Lou's okay, Sue is okay,” she repeated, calming down a little. “I think I'm okay now,” Raven spoke after taking a last quavering breath. “Oh- uhm, sorry for that,” she blushed and pointed at the tear stains on his shirt.

Harry shrugged. “It doesn't matter, I'm sure it won't kill me,” he said airily. He earned a watery smile for that. Raven then grabbed his hand and wordlessly pulled him back to where they came from. She stopped in front of the window of Louis' room. Harry panicked for a moment about Louis catching them watching him, but realised that the boy couldn't see them.

“Look,” Raven whispered sadly. Louis was lying curled up in the bed. The bruises on his pale arms black and purple. He looked so tired and scared. “He was pretending. I didn't even notice it at first,” she whispered, and a single tear touched her cheek. “I didn't even notice.”

Harry got home at five o’clock in the morning. He sneaked into his room, trying not to wake his mother. It was only then that he noticed his hands were dirty. He started to shake and sank to the ground, they were covered in blood. Louis’s blood.

~*~

“...”

“Raven, listen to me, she's gonna be okay, alright? Repeat what I say,”

“...”

“That's the spirit. Now, you're a nurse and you know what nurses do. They  _nurse_. So you're gonna use your _nursing_ skills to _nurse_ Sue, because you're the best nurse I've ever met,”

“...”

Harry tries not to laugh at the one sided conversation Louis was having. He knew this was supposed to be a very serious talk, but Louis was using the word 'nurse' and its verb too many times and to Harry it was hilarious. His smile then turned into a frown when he realised that there was a reason why Raven hysterically called Louis.

“-Raven, she isn't going to die, now calm down-”

Harry actually heard desperate and jumbled sentences coming from Raven. The soothing words for Louis and wails from Raven went on for a while until-

“Sue!”

“...”

“No, I tried, but she won't calm down. How are you feeling?”

Harry waved at Louis to ask him if he wanted anything to drink, but then laughed at himself for his stupidity. He walked out of the room when he heard Louis tell Sue that  _'it was just Harold, Harry, who had laughed'_ and he thought that was his cue to leave the stage. He walked to the cafeteria at the other side of the hall and bought a can of coke; he didn't feel like drinking tea at the moment. He grinned at a bloke in a wheelchair, whom was pushed by another guy his age. They would be cute together, he thought. When he entered Louis' hospital room again, the phone conversation had ended and he was laying there blushing.

“What are you blushing for?” Harry asked teasingly.

Louis' eyes turned to where his voice came from and he blushed even more, “I- uhm, I dropped the phone somewhere...” He trailed off, earning a short laugh from Harry. The latter looked around the bed and found the dropped device. He placed it on the nightstand and sat down next to the bed while sipping from his coke. “What are you drinking?”

“Coke.”

They sat in silence for a while. Harry crumpled his now empty can and the sound made Louis jump and squeal a little, what leaded to a faint blush on his cheeks and a groan of pain that left his lips. Harry kept apologising until Louis shushed him with the demand “be quiet, Harold, and play twenty questions with me.”

“Uhm, okay. You start? Harry said unsurely.

“Favourite colour?”

“Pink.”

“Pink?” Louis snorted, but didn't comment any further, just replied with a “green.”

“Favourite plant?” Harry asked in return.

“A tree.”

“A rosebush.”

This went on and on with the weirdest questions that shall  _not_  be repeated if Harry has any say in it. They were interrupted twice, once by a phone call from heaven (not really, it was just Raven) with good news about Sue's fainting spell and heart rate  and the second time by a nurse who came in to check on Louis. They eventually ended up with the more serious questions.

“Favourite childhood memory?” Asked Harry unknowing and he frowned when Louis' expression turned from content to blank and then sad.

“Lou, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, I'm fine.”

“No, you're not,” Harry stated. “Want to elaborate?” He added in a softer tone.

Louis stayed silent for a while but then cracked a smile. “You, Harold, are too trustworthy.”

Harry thought at first that he was joking, but then looked at Louis' face and saw nothing but seriousness. “I am?” He asked in surprise.

“Yes, you are. You waste your day with sitting in a hospital room because some blind guy was beaten up at night and you actually seem genuinely interested in what I say-”

“Lou,”

“-Which is insane, because you don't know me at all, for all you know I'm planning to kill you-”

“Lou, stop it!” Louis hiccupped and tears began to fill his eyes. Harry swallowed and pushed away the thought about the fact that blind people can still cry. He carefully grabbed the other boy's hand, “Is this okay?” He asked and when Louis nodded, he started to soothingly rub circles on the cold and soft skin. Louis smiled through his tears. Harry opened his mouth and closed it again. “Want to elaborate?”

Louis nibbled on his bottom lip for a minute, “When I was younger I lived with my mom and little sister, my dad left when he found my mom was expecting another child and told her he couldn't handle a dysfunctional child, that being me, and a baby at once. Arielle was born when I was seven and that's all I know about my childhood, really. To answer your question, my favourite childhood memory is when Ells came into our family.” Louis' eyes were sad and glossy, his hands were shaking, and this was obviously hard for him.

“Why did you leave, Louis?” Harry whispered. He had to break through, it seemed like he had never really told anyone this.

“I-I don't know!” He almost yelled and his voice cracked at the last syllable. “I lost them.” His sobs were heart-wrenching and Harry didn't ask another question. He was blown away by Louis' trust in him, after all those years of observing and longing to talk to that boy in the park, he finally talked to him, that boy  _trusted_ him with all his might and poured his heart out to Harry.

His own heart fluttered at that.

Wait.  _Fluttered_?


	2. Chapter 2

‘WE NEVER WERE AND WE ALWAYS WILL BE’

PART II

_To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all._

– [Oscar](http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/p/pedro_calderon_de_la_barc.html) Wilde

* * *

When Harry was woken up by the buzzing sound of his doorbell at eight o'clock on a Sunday morning, he certainly did not expect a hysteric Raven standing at his doorstep. She had stormed past him and walked straight into the living room. A sleepy thought about mailmen on Sunday drifted around in his foggy brain while he blinked at the hunched figure paging in front of his couch.

“Ray, what's going on?” He mumbled and rubbed his eyes. “Why the fuck- why are you in my living room on a Sunday morning at eight AM?”

“You-you can swear, it's just me- you know,” she said with a quavering voice and burst out in tears. Harry was awake in a second and held out his arms, which she accepted with a blubbering wail.

“Shh, there's no need to cry,” he soothed and led her to the kitchen, where he grabbed some tissues. After about seven of them she had calmed down a bit and was responsive again. Harry had asked her carefully, “What got you so upset?”

“Sue is in the hospital. Her speech was very unclear yesterday, so I took her to the doctor. When we arrived there she couldn't get out of the car, claiming she couldn’t move her left leg and arm. I took her to the first aid instead and they told me she was indeed having a stroke. I don't know what to do, Har. She can't die.” Harry gaped at her.

“Sue is going to die?” He couldn't believe it. It didn't feel real at all, like he would be waking up any minute now and this would just be some twisted dream. “Are you for real? Can somebody pinch me?” Harry said to no one in particular. The old woman had always been there for him; whenever he came to her with his little problems she'd take him by the hand and lead him to the kitchen. There he'd get a strong cuppa and a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie, ‘they could solve everything’, she would tell him. “I hope she dies while in peace,” Harry said after a moment of silence.

“Me too,” Raven whispered back hoarsely, “she has done so much her whole life, she told me she was ready to go many times but I never really thought about it, you know?”

“Shit,” they had to tell Louis about this. They had to save their sorrow for later, because even though he is a grown man, they both felt responsible for the lad. He was pretty much helpless at the moment. “What about Louis?”

“Fuck, I forgot about him,” Raven groaned and face palmed. “He's not gonna take this well at all, probably gonna throw a fit.”

“He deserves to know though, when do the visiting hours start?” He was wide awake now.

“I thought they started at ten o'clock-”

“Harry, is that you?”

Harry winced. He completely forgot about his mother as well.  _Way to go, silly_ , he mentally scolded himself. “Yeah it's me, sorry to wake you at the early hours of a beautiful day,” he said casually, loudly so she'd hear him.

“You have decided to give the other team a try, I see,” his mum said when she entered the kitchen and saw Raven standing there. She raised an eyebrow at him, making him go crimson.

“Mum! This is Raven, the nurse I told you about. Sue's daughter,” he indignantly said, mumbling about something how she was out of her mind thinking he'd ever pick the other team.

“Raven Simmons, it's very nice to meet you Miss Styles,” she introduced herself politely, but Harry saw how tight she squeezed the paper tissues in her hand.

The older woman smiled warmly. “Call me Anne,” she said.

“Mum, we need to get to the hospital, so if you don't mind I am going to make some breakfast real quick,” Harry said. He started to grab a bowl from the cupboard. Raven turned to him and grabbed his arm with a cold and sweaty hand.

“Harry, we can't visit him until ten o'clock and it is like a fifteen minutes’ drive.” The hand Harry was lifting his spoon to put the cereal in his mouth froze. He slowly moved it to his mouth and chewed on the cereal mumbling a “right.”

They ended up talking on the couch, as Anne went upstairs to get ready for her volunteer job at the local orphanage. Not that every town has one, but there was one in the village where they lived. Raven cried a little more, but only tears streamed down her cheeks while she talked, so Harry didn't say anything about it.

~*~

“I hope this softens the blow until the day she actually passes away,” Raven croaked, her voice hoarse from crying so much. They both silently looked at the injured man sleeping in the hospital bed, looking restless and in distress. He was slightly heaving and the tear streaks were still visible on his pale cheeks. He was already awake when they arrived, a nurse examining his arm and foot. The wounds on his face and black eye were also looked at. The nurse in action had smiled at Raven when he exited the room.

“Ray, I've never seen you working, are you only faking being a nurse?” Harry had asked semi-casual. He was fidgeting and ticking his foot.

Louis answered his question, “Raven only works the nightshifts, right?” He looked in her direction for approval. She nodded and made a sound to make clear Louis was right. Harry just stared out of the window, eyes flickering back and forth between the outside and the two inside the room. He worried. Not only about Louis. He worried about Raven and her mother, his future, Louis future, his mother’s wellbeing, Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. _Louis._

“Louis.” He hummed softly in response. Harry shook his head a little and focused on the present. Raven was about the break the news, Harry had to support her. He’d rather run out and wait till she told him and life was full of happiness and colour again, but he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair. He watched Raven’s mouth move and heard the words form sentences and the sentences form the story that was told. He saw the confusion and then utter disbelieve on Louis’ face. Harry felt sick. He had never believed in God, but from this very moment he couldn’t understand it anymore. How could someone have faith in a man so cruel? Harry wanted to smash the window next to him when he heard the sobs coming from Louis’s lips and the incoherent nothings Raven whispered in his eyes. Harry tasted the salt of his own tears on his lips. Hurt. Louis was hurting. Louis. Louis. Louis.

Harry had eventually left the room to get himself back together. When he came back Louis had fallen asleep and Raven was watching him with a sad expression. She asked him if he was okay. Harry asked her if she was. The answer was no. Harry had simply nodded, knowing enough.

He couldn’t sleep that night. Louis face haunted his dark room, his wrecked sound echoed in his mind. Harry didn’t know what was wrong with him. He had never felt like this before.

(And maybe Harry knew all too well what was happening but if you just ignore the feeling it will disappear, right?)

~*~

This wasn’t the weather Harry expected today. He thought it’d be warm and sunny, not _this_. “I didn’t think it would storm like this,” he yelled to Raven, who just huffed.

“You could have at least brought an umbrella or something.”

Harry turned around and felt tears stinging in his eyes. The cold rain hurt his cheeks. “I’m sorry, okay? I have more things on my mind than some stupid umbrella!” His voice cracked at the end. He went on and on, just screaming. “I can’t help it, he was just there- bleeding and _dying._ I-I don’t know what to d-do,” at the time Harry was full on sobbing. He sank to the ground, pulling his hair. The wet grass completely soaked his jeans, but Harry couldn’t bring himself to care. All he felt was desperation, he never realised how much that night had affected him – and a cold hand on his cheek. Raven. He looked up through his tears. She was gazing at him through the pouring rain, her mouth slightly agape.

“What happened to you?” She whispered, caressing his cheek. Harry hiccupped. “You seemed happy all this time, was that just an act? How long have you burdened yourself with this, Haz?” She asked rhetorically. A tear slipped down her cheek.

“I just- I love him and I _need_ him so much but-” Harry choked on the words. He never planned to end up like this. In a field, in the middle of a storm, crying because he felt like he was losing himself. “I love him.”

“Please take care of him, Harry, I can’t lose him. Not him too, I just can’t. Promise me you won’t hurt him.” Harry promised her. Not just her, he promised himself. He promised Louis. He promised Sue. He will promise everyone that will listen to him. He wouldn’t hurt him, not now, not ever. He pulled Raven closer and embraced her. They sat there in the wet grass until the rain stopped and the sky fell. They only moved when it was dark and cold. They slowly walked back to Harry’s home, both soaked and freezing. Harry heard Raven’s teeth chattering and her hair was dripping. They both took a shower without speaking.

Harry didn’t sleep alone that night.

~*~

“Oh, I like this song,” Harry smiled at Raven's chirpy voice. After they had gotten back to Harry's home three days ago, they’d had a serious talk. At first there had been long pauses but after a while both of them were spilling the thoughts they never thought they would share with anyone. Harry had told her he was feeling sombre ever since he'd found Louis. Raven shared a little about her life in return. He now knew Sue wasn't her real mother like Harry originally thought. She was her grandmother, no one knew where Raven her mother was or if she was even alive. Raven only knew that the woman was whoring and drugging herself somewhere in the world, if not already dead. She had never known her - the woman left her with her grandmother and ran.

Raven was humming along, the clear buzz of her voice giving off a calming vibe. “You have a nice voice, Ray.” She blushed at his compliment and mumbled a thanks. They rode in silence. The hospital wasn’t yet in sight, but Harry felt nerves already bubbling in his stomach. He was a little scared of how they would find Louis in his room. He just hoped Louis was okay.

 _Louis_.

~*~

They were there.

They both sat in the room when her heart stopped beating. Harry heard Raven yell when they tried to bring her back. He held her when they announced it. He listened to her incoherent babbling about her grandmother. He did nothing when she pushed him away to throw up in the nearest bathroom. He handed her tissues when she cried. It was so surreal to Harry. It was like a dream, only you couldn’t seem to wake up. He took her home and let her take his bed, even though Raven protested fiercely. She got under the covers with defiance written all over but Harry was glad she took the offer – eventually. He went downstairs after they talked a little and Raven had fallen asleep. He encountered his mother in the living room with a steaming mug in her hands. She turned to face him, a tired look in her eyes.

“How is she doing?” Harry sat down next to her and sighed heavily.

“She’s grieving, I think,” he spoke. Anne eyed him with a foreign expression. It was not pity, but a look of comprehension. Harry recalled the passing of his own grandmother. They were both going through a hard time then. To certain boundaries, he could understand what Raven was feeling right now. He knew the feeling of utter moroseness and sorrow. Harry didn’t know what he would do when his mother would pass, because even though Sue wasn’t Raven’s biological mother, he knew that for Raven it felt like she was. “I would too, if you were to pass away.”

“I know, sweetie.”

“I love you, mom.”

“With all my heart in return, Harry.”

Harry had never consciously attended a funeral. His grandparents both perished in a fatal car accident when he was about two years old, and his mother always said he slept through it all. Also organising one was new territory for him. Harry was glad he offered to help Raven, though. Her eyes were red as per usual when she rang his doorbell this morning. They'd planned to pick the invitations today. The obituaries had been done by Harry's mother, who wanted to help so badly she almost got down on her knees. To prevent that from happening, Harry convinced Raven to accept his mother's help. They, the obituaries, had been touching. They were simple with a beautiful quote of Oscar Wilde, Sue's favourite writer. Her bookcases were filled with his writing, she liked to collect the books in whatever edition there was to find. Omnibuses, hardcovers and paperbacks. Some of them were filled with sticky notes, to mark her favourite passages or lines. She even wrote her own stories, which she would read to Harry whenever he came over to play. Often, he would beg her to read to him and then he listened with open mouth and adoring eyes.

Two days later, Harry was getting ready for the funeral. He was straightening out his grey tie and sighed heavily. He never would have thought this would be really happening. Sue had always been this strong and powerful lady in his eyes, he had never even noticed the wrinkly hands before the day she passed away. The positive thing was, however, that the hospital was discharging Louis earlier that week. Harry's mother decided, even though she had never met the bloke, he' would temporarily move in with them - a broken leg and being blind doesn't go together all that well. Harry was going to pick him up and then the three of them would drive to the cemetery. Louis borrowed the smallest suit Harry owned and even though he couldn't see it himself, Harry made sure to tell Louis how good it looked on him. The lad had been grumpy all week for going from being bound to a hospital bed to sitting in a wheelchair all day. But he was smiling softly all the while after Harry told him he looked nice today.

As soon as they arrived, Harry was searching for Raven. When he almost tripped over because he wasn't paying attention to where he was planting his feet, his mother sighed and told him to just go look for her – she would get Louis out of the car and into his wheelchair. Harry nodded and said a quick see you later to Louis. He jogged towards the small building and spotted his target through the window.

“Hey you,” he said carefully when he got closer. She turned around and Harry got a good view of her pale and tired face. She was wearing a pitch black dress. It was an exquisite contrast.

“Hey,” she simply greeted him and continued arranging the flowers. Irises, her grandmother's favourite flowers. Harry leaned towards her and kissed her cheek.

“They are beautiful, sweetheart.”

Raven tilted her head back and leaned against his chest. “I'm not ready for this,” she murmured. Harry simply stroked her arm and said nothing.

That night Harry was rummaging around in his room, as quietly as possible, because he knew Louis was already asleep in the next room. It was late and he couldn't sleep, he got rid of the idea completely when he remembered the novel Sue once gifted him. He finally found it ten minutes later and crawled under the covers with the book. He didn't actually read it, just the scribbled notes. A tear slid down his cheek and he finally lost it. Harry pulled the book close to his chest and mourned.


End file.
